Where is the President?

via Where is the President? | The Zimbabwean 14.01.14 by Jera

President Mugabe is on his annual leave and his absence has sparked speculation. Some claim he is unwell and the less reverent maintain that he has joined his ancestors. State media has since released a photograph, dismissed by analysts as a file photo, allegedly proving Mugabe’s return home from the Far East.

State radio also announced that preparations for Mugabe’s birthday bash are progressing smoothly, a sign that the President is still in the land of the living. Mugabe himself has not made any sort of public address since December. It would be irresponsible to add to these speculations. However, what is certain is that there would be very loud hooting of cars, and unrestrained dancing, on the streets of Zimbabwe.

Kettle and the pot

The war between the kettle and the pot – Munyaradzi Kereke, the MP for Bikita west and Gideon Gono – has become so loud that it is hard to ignore. Kereke alleges that Gono misappropriated millions of dollars at the central bank and the army and police benefited from the corrupt deals. Kereke, responding to Gono’s jibe about his sanity, says while working as advisor to the former governor, he professionally handheld Gideon Gono throughout his tenure and states that it is a miracle that the country’s economy survived Gono’s stewardship.

To prove his sanity, Kereke openly claims that he assisted Gono with 99% of his submissions for his PhD, which on some level is an admission of being an accessory to academic fraud on Kereke’s part. Kereke, a man whose name curiously means ‘Church’ but is no way Church-like, is trailed by the persistent stench of yet-to-be-proved allegations of rape on a minor. Neither man is a saint. What is so far clear in the ongoing feud is that 47million out of the 50million shares in National Discount House, purchased by the RBZ, are unaccounted for.

There are also allegations of the RBZ’s involvement in the foreign currency black market, which Gono at the time blamed on cash barons who he labelled ‘economic saboteurs.’ What was strange during the hyperinflation era was that a select clique of black market dealers always had the newly minted bank notes, even before they had been released into circulation. It is noble that Kereke has done the churchly thing and opened the lid on these dastardly deeds. But what everybody might want to know is why it took Kereke all of seven years to make these revelations.

Sticky fingers

If Gono devised schemes to loot money – and we know from Kereke that Gono needed to be handheld – then it is a fair assumption that Kereke was never too far from the scene of the crime, holding, as he has testified, the sticky fingers of his boss’ hand. The Gono-Kereke grudge has so far claimed the job of suspended Herald editor, Caesar Zvayi, who was sent home by media minister Jonathan Moyo after the paper ran a story that was deemed to be a personal attack on Gono, who has senatorial aspirations.

When all of this political noise is placed in a distillation flask and heated over a Bunsen burner, what will remain is a residue of Zanu (PF) corruption. Lest we forget, Robert Mugabe dismissed Kombo Moyana, accusing him of adhering to ‘bookish economics’ before replacing him with the partisan Gono who was more willing to introduce unorthodox monetary policies, such as printing money and overtly funding Mugabe’s political campaigns – remember, remember those plasma TVs, ploughs, pickup trucks and tractors that were dished out to Mugabe’s supporters, circa 2007. Gono carried out all his black market currency deals for and on behalf of The Boss. If Gono later developed a taste for dirty money and pocketed much of it for himself, The Boss is culpable, as it is he who instructed him, implicitly, to go out and find forex by hook or by crook.

Double standards

A South African woman, Ncombo Theodorah Thobeka has been jailed for 15 years after attempting to saunter past customs at Harare International Airport with two kilos of cocaine. These are strange times we live in when ivory smugglers – people responsible for the decimation of the continent’s last rhinos – receive a mere verbal scolding while drug mules receive harsh penalties. With Africa’s rhino population down to 18,000, from 65,000 in the 1970s, we have reached a point where ivory smuggling is as serious an offence as drug trafficking. If Thobeka’s name was Lee, she might have got off with a smaller penalty. Even in South Africa, social double standards are evident, with black migrant workers subjected to xenophobic attacks while non-Africans are left un-harassed.

School system reform

Government has introduced examinations for grade two pupils. Education minister, Lazarus Dokora, says the need for assessment has arisen from poor performances at later stages of school. Dokora has come up with impressive words like ‘diagnosis’ and ‘performance lag.’ But the truth is that Zimbabwe’s education system does not need Josaya Hungwe’s ‘psychomotor’ or Lazarus Dokora ‘performance diagnosis.’ Poor performance by pupils is due primarily to poor remuneration of teachers, malnutrition among students, due to the high cost of living and increasing shortages of electricity. (Scientific fact: humans do not see very well in the dark).

As things stand, the government does not have the resources to pay decent salaries to existing civil servants. Examiners for grade seven and O level have gone unpaid in the past. Assessing grade two’s will require state funding – money that the country does not have. If the additional government employees recruited for the Early Childhood Development program enter the civil service to work under the existing conditions, then they too will produce the same second-rate results – new wine in old skins. Zanu (PF) has run out of ideas. No amount of labels – ministerial blabber, such as ‘psychomotor’ or ‘performance lag’ – will remove the actual problems bedevilling the education system or the country in general.

Numbers don’t lie

New World Wealth – an international information and consultancy firm – has released a report revealing the living standards of African countries. South Africa, whose late first president, Nelson Mandela, has been recently labelled a black empowerment ‘sell-out’ by envious pro-Mugabe commentators, has a wealth per capita of $11,310, up from $2,400 in 2000. Because Mandela chose reconciliation over land grabs, South Africa is the only nation in Africa to record economic growth immediately upon attaining independence.

In contrast, Zimbabwe’s wealth per person in 2000 was higher than that of new economic powerhouse Nigeria, but now stands at a paltry $570. Zimbabwe’s wealth per capita is lower than that of Botswana ($6,580) and Namibia ($10,500) – countries whose economies had until recently been regarded as inferior. According to World Bank statistics, Zimbabwe’s GDP per person fell from its highest of $732 in 1974, down to $344 in 2008.

Men lie, women lie – but numbers don’t. While Mugabe and his followers believe the country has benefited from farm seizures and nationalisation of mines, living standards have in fact dropped. We should hand out construction helmets to tourists arriving at Harare International Airport. ‘Welcome to Zimbabwe. Beware of falling standards.’ - Till next week, my pen is capped. Jerà

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23 comments on “Where is the President?
  1. Nyoni says:

    This piranha is not advising his so called ministers that is why there are a lot of haphazard decisions being made . ROBERT WHEREVER YOU ARE REIGN IN YOUR COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS.

  2. Ndebvu Mukomichi says:

    Question: Where is the President?
    Answer: Why do you ask? What service do you want from him that you cannot get from the acting President? Whether he is unwell or incapacitated in any way- the country has structures in place to manage without him – again why do you ask?

    • Chamunorwa says:


    • Rudadiso says:

      Ndebvu Mukomichi, you are not for real. We ask because we look after him with our taxes. You may not be aware of it but he works for us. He, by the way, also claims we voted for him so we are entitled to know where the man who squanders a huge chunk of our national resources is.

  3. mucha says:

    President Mugabe is on his annual leave. Whether he is well or sick is none of your business. There are people responsible to take care of that. Can only start asking your SILLY QUESTION if he fails to return to office at the end of his leave.

    Why wishing other people dead. That’s inhumane and uncultured.

    • chasura says:

      But then we were told that Jealous Mawarire had a case where he needed a president pronto as it infringed on his rights to have a president. In 2013 it was very urgent to have an election and a voted president but it is not urgent now? If we have structures and systems that work without a president then why make so much noise about urgent elections the elected people are not urgent.

  4. Dendera says:

    We don’t care where he is or what he is doing. When he returns, it will be ZUNDE all over the place – http://www.zunde.org

    • bheki says:

      Point of correction: Kombo Moyana was not dismissed; he left the RBZ after his term of office expired. Gono did not replace Kombo Moyana. Gono replaced Leonard Tsumba who also left the RBZ after the expiry of his term of office. In short, Moyana was the first black governor after independence, then came in Tsumba and then Gono….

  5. gorongoza says:

    Matibili Chatunga Mugabe, please follow Donato, Michael and Sabina. They miss you very much! hamba!

  6. Khaya'bonina says:

    @Ndebvu Mukomichi , your question is so strange . Tell me if your father as the head of your family goes missing , what are you going to do , is that not going to bother yourself ,are you so dwurf minded to such a point that you even ignore what really bothers the whole nation , Mugabe is the head of the state and it is in the interest of the public to know the truth . Remember one thing , the people who are asking this question are not only those who are against Mugabe leading Zimbabwe , even his die harder supporters are worried about his disappearence from the public .

  7. Khaya'bonina says:

    @Mucha your own business is always to support nonsense- Is his leave on the space that he can not be seen by people on earth , if it is through that he returned from Singapore well and fit as a fiddle as he used to say so , why can’t he talk for himself to the people of Zimbabwe , so shut up , Mugabe must talk to the people like who assisted him to rig elections so that we will all believe that he is fine wherever he is , if he is bed riden its part of life and that is upon God , he is old he can’t turn arround and be a boy to continue leading Zimbabwe , the truth must come out , did he collapse and survived or he collapsed forever ????????????????????????? Sifuna iqiniso kuphela hayi amanga , sidiniwe thina ngabantu abafana nawe .

  8. blessing says:

    VaMugabe vatungungamira ndicho chokwadi ichocho

  9. ike says:

    Let sleeping dogs lie!!!

  10. bingo wajakata says:

    I do not care about Mugabe,well at least not the way you think! I do care, all I wish to hear is that he is dead. For the first time in my life I will visit Stodart Hall for body viewing and the so called hero’s acre. All I want to see is that the devil has surely died and been buried. I will make the $3500 trip from these lands yonder for the special occasion. I know things may not get any better after the evil one goes but die he will so the choice is cry or celebrate, I choose the later, I will celebrate.I have not celebrated anything for a very long long time due to the suffering visited upon me and all ordinary Zimbabweans by the intentional actions Mugarbage.

  11. NBS says:

    The whole nation has every right to know where the president is. This whole debacle is ridiculous and show what a juvenile nation we are. Zimbabwe is a nation in absolute crisis and the President is on holiday. If I was 90 I would want to be on holiday too and that is one reason Mugabe shouldn’t be president. There should be crisis meetings, cabinet meetings, national meetings, all stakeholder meetings etc. The country is dying. If the President is sick or he has passed on the nation should be told forthwith. As a taxpayer and a citizen I am disgusted at the way I am treated. If he is incapacitated in any way we are to be told and Mujuru should be sworn in and all Zimbabweans should be consulted on a way forward. Government is moribund because either Mugabe is on leave or sick or whatever and the nation is falling off a cliff. truly I am disgusted. ZPF fiddle while Zimbabwe burns.

  12. pdf says:

    good article Jera , let me know when you write again !!

  13. Priscilla says:

    I know where the man with plastic testicles is! His on holiday in hell with Lucifer and he is not coming back to Zimbabwe. How I would love to urinate and defecate over his grave. Mugarbage!

    • mucha says:

      Dreaming and wishful thinking. You will soon defaecate in your own grave and Mugabe will be sending condolences to your family during your funeral.
      Mark my words.!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Make my day says:

    Lets hope that murdering, arrogant, devil, thief, is dead! Shame on Mucha how she likes to bully, just like her ZANU PF comrades. I will have the last laugh!

  15. Ndebvu Mukomichi says:

    RGM seems to have done very well for himself because he has created clones and replicants of himself at home and abroad. This means that even if he were to rest physically or spiritually today, his works and methods would continue ‘unhelped and unhindered’ into the future. Here are some of his copycats/followers:
    1. New landowners and many others in ZPF- they will never repudiate a doctrine that had the courage to do the unthinkable and allow them to reclaim land.
    2. Morgan Tsvangison and others- they have learnt that once you are in a position of leadership you do not leave whether you succeed or fail. They have learnt how to make themselves the ‘glue that holds’ or the face of their organisations.
    3. Warvets and their children- a new generation of his followers. This is the reason some people who are too young to have participated in the chimurenga claim to be warvets.
    4. Juju in RSA, together with ANC cabinet minister Gugile Nkwinti who felt honoured to be compared with RGM while debating land reform in parliament.
    Conclusion: Should RGM rest/retire by whatever means- his doctrine will not rest with him but it will actually be raised to a higher level by any of these followers. I include MT in this group- that is why everyone now says that they will not go back to the pre-2000 scenario for land. They dare not undo 14 years of history when RGM undid 100 years. Interesting!
    RGM’s biggest let- down are the schooled ones, (note I do not call them educated), they study slavery, colonialism and other ‘isms’ but do not realise that they were the victims, nor do they recognise who the victors were. Even more interesting!

  16. CHIKEREMA says:

    Iwe Mucha mwana wehure!! You and your Zanoids are too used to killing people. You will all rot in hell with that devil for killing so many people in Zimbabwe. Mune ropa pamahoko. You have blood on your hands. Right now that devils body is in a freezer and his soul is in hell. You will join him in good time when you face the full wrath of the law. I hope they give you the electric chair you murdering zanu pf arse licker.

  17. Anon says:

    The only way to eliminate this Zanu-Pf dictatorship is if the USA physically intervenes in Zimbabwwe like it did with Iraq – since America helped topple people like Saddam Hussein,they could surely do the same with Zimbabwe(perhaps with Ausralia’s help).

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