The ZIMBABWE Situation Our thoughts and prayers are with Zimbabwe
- may peace, truth and justice prevail.

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Sunday Times (SA)

Zimbabweans fear Mugabe's fury

Increased repression predicted after snub by Commonwealth
Sunday Times Foreign Desk

Zimbabweans should brace for intensified repression in the wake of President
Robert Mugabe's exclusion from the Commonwealth meeting in Nigeria later
this week, a political analyst has warned.

Professor Brian Raftopolous, of the University of Zimbabwe's Institute for
Development Studies, said Mugabe would be vengeful after the snub.

"In the short- to medium-term, I see him hardening his stance and stepping
up repression in a bid to consolidate his position.

"He is very disappointed with his exclusion from the Commonwealth and that
his African allies have not protested."

Zimbabwe has been suspended from the group of former British colonies since
March last year following a presidential election marred by violence,
intimidation and electoral flaws.

Raftopolous, who is also chairman of Crisis in Zimbabwe, a coalition of
civic groups campaigning for democratic reforms, said Mugabe's recent
crackdown on trade unions was evidence of his political direction.

Mugabe's regime last week crushed Zimbabwe Congress of Trade Unions
demonstrations against the country's economic crisis and arrested protest
leaders, including 350 activists.

The crackdown left unions bruised and weakened.

A truculent Mugabe has threatened to pull his country out of the 54-state
organisation altogether.

He said on state radio: "If our sovereignty is what we have to lose to be
readmitted into the Commonwealth, well, we will say goodbye to the
Commonwealth, and perhaps the time has now come to say so."

He said Zimbabwe valued its membership of the African Union, the Southern
African Development Community and the UN because they treated it as an
equal.

"We expect no less from the Commonwealth if it merits our membership, if its
claim to be a club of equals is to be sustained. And I want to see whether
that principle of equal membership shall be sustained as we proceed to the
next session of Chogm [the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting]."

He attacked African countries that "are apologetic about being nationalists;
fear to be Africans; hesitate to express solidarity with us and dread to
play keeper to another African brother".

"They allow neo-colonialists and neo-imperialists to drive us to apologise
for representing and pursuing our interests, for being ourselves," he said.

In reaction to Mugabe's comments, Zimbabwe's National Constitutional
Assembly chairman and civic activist Lovemore Madhuku said: "It's a
dangerous development. If he withdraws from the Commonwealth he will attack
his opponents while resisting being held accountable.

"What he is saying is that he sees nothing wrong with what he has been doing
and would rather pull out than change to gain readmission.

"This means continued human rights abuses and political violence."

Madhuku said Mugabe could be dealt with only through "internal popular
resistance and defiance".

Opposition Movement for Democratic Change MP Tendai Biti said Mugabe would
just continue "attacking us and violating human rights on a massive scale".

However, South Africa's Institute for Security Studies director, Jackie
Cilliers , said Mugabe's threats were a "storm in a teacup".

Mugabe said his country's continued suspension was the work of the "white
Commonwealth" - particularly Britain and Australia - which have voiced
objections to the country's land reform programme.

"Is it the strength and power of the few whites in the Commonwealth that
should dominate the view of the Commonwealth?" Mugabe asked, singling out
Australian Prime Minister John Howard - who, along with the heads of Nigeria
and South Africa, is on a Commonwealth troika on Zimbabwe - as one of those
allegedly with a vendetta against his country.

"They tell me he's one of those genetically modified because of the criminal
ancestry he derives from," Mugabe said, adding that "criminals were banished
to Australia and New Zealand by the British".

Howard and Commonwealth Secretary-General Don McKinnon, of New Zealand, were
instrumental in deciding to maintain Zimbabwe's suspension beyond its expiry
after a year in March.

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Sunday Mirror (Zimbabwe)

Govt hands over Zapu properties
Pamenus Tuso

In a move widely seen as a desperate attempt to contain increasing
discontent among former Zapu politicians within the ruling Zanu PF,
government has returned Zapu properties which it seized from the political
party in the 1980s, it has emerged.

During the height of the internal conflict between Zapu, then led by the
late former vice president Joshua “Mqabuko” Nkomo and Zanu PF in 1984,
government confiscated the political party’s properties that included farms,
buildings and vehicles following the discovery of an arms cache at one of
the properties. At the time Zapu disassociated itself from the arms cache,
saying it was set up by the government. The government, on the other hand,
by unleashing its notorious North Korean trained fifth brigade soldiers in
both Matabeleland and Midlands regions to ruthlessly crackdown on what it
called dissident activities. Highly placed sources within former Zapu
circles in Bulawayo told the Sunday Mirror last week that the returned
properties, which include The Castle Arms Motel in Bulawayo, Woolglen farm
in Mguza, West Egg farm and Hampton farm in Gweru, were handed over to
Nitram management team. Nitram Holdings Company was formed in 1981 by more
than 20 000 Zipra freedom fighters. The company was bought with $50,000 they
had raised while they were still at the Assembly points. Ex-Zipra
commanders, including the party’s former intelligence supremo Dumiso
Dabengwa, organised the deal whose main objective was to assist
disadvantaged Zipra cadres and their families. An ex Zipra combatant who is
part of the team compiling an inventory on the assets said last week: “Some
of our major assets that were at the motel and farms disappeared. These
include refrigerators, cattle, chickens and other livestock.” The Castle
Arms is also said to have developed a number of architectural defects due to
lack of maintenance. Some of the properties were placed under liquidation by
the government and only a meagre $113 000 was realised from the liquidation
process. Although the government has formally handed back the properties to
their rightful owners, it is understood that the company is finding no joy
in securing legal titles to these properties. Bulawayo politicians who spoke
to the Sunday Mirror last week questioned the timing of this latest
government move which they say was supposed to have been done immediately
after the signing of the unity accord in 1987. “It’s almost 16 years after
the signing of the unity accord. Why was the government clutching on to the
properties? Given the recent events in the party in this region, we are
bound to suspect that the return of these properties is a last minute bid by
government to contain increasing disgruntlement in former PF Zapu cadres in
the unified party,” said one politician who declined to be named. Recently,
there has been reports of squabbles with the merged party with former PF
Zapu cadres accusing government of marginalising them and the province. The
party also maintained that the boiling point in the simmering acrimonious
relationship between the two factions in the ruling party was the politburo’
s unprecedented decision last month to declare the late former Zipra
intelligence chief, Tarcisious Swazini Ndlovu, a national hero, six days
after his death, and when he had already been buried at Stanley Cemetery in
Bulawayo. This politburo’s belated decision to confer Ndlovu with national
hero status, according to senior party members from the former Zapu, was
taken following intensive pressure from his colleagues, especially Dabengwa,
whom the late Ndlovu worked closely with during the liberation struggle.
“Apart from John Nkomo all former Zapu senior party members in both the
government and war veterans from this region were united in their bid to
lobby for Ndlovu’s national hero status. They all felt enough is enough”,
said another party source. Speaking during Ndlovu’s burial, which was
largely ignored by veteran politicians from the pre-unity accord Zanu PF,
Dabengwa said, “I have no doubt that Swazini, whom we are burying now is a
hero. We do not know this new phenomenon that one becomes a hero through the
pen. The heroes we know are the ones who fought with a spear. Indeed, he is
a hero.” When reached for comment last week, Dabengwa said he was attending
the funeral of the late former Deputy minister of political affairs and the
party’s central committee member, Norman Zikhali and will only be able to
comment on the issue this week. Zikhali who died at his home in Bulawayo on
Monday, was declared a national hero.

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Zim Standard

      $1,3bn for Zanu PF Congress
      By Parker Graham

      MASVINGO — AS 5,5 million people face starvation, a mouth watering
feast awaits delegates to next week’s Zanu PF annual People’s National
Conference in Masvingo where state security agents will mount the largest
security operation ever witnessed in the history of the small town.

      About 3 000 Zanu PF officials and delegates are expected to descend on
the town on Thursday for meetings with the top party leadership, including
President Mugabe, for four days.

      Investigations by The Standard established that at least 23 herd of
cattle will be slaughtered and over a billion dollars spent during the
event, which political analysts say will most likely turn out to be the
usual Zanu PF talkshops generating a lot of hot air but not providing any
useful direction towards resolving the country’s nagging problems.

      Shortages of commodities such as fuel persist while prices of basic
commodities continue to skyrocket beyond the reach of the majority of
Zimbabweans. Inflation is projected to soar to 700 percent before year end,
casting a dark shadow on any hopes of relief in the new year for the
suffering masses.

      A committee charged with fund raising for the party has so far raised
$1,3 billion, mainly from indigenous banks, business people and farmers and
Zanu PF is expected to chip in with several millions of dollars.The party is
understood to have spent a fortune on party regalia that will be used at the
conference.

      A Zanu PF official close to the fundraising committee who preferred to
remain anonymous said delegates, most of whom were coming from the rural
areas where hunger is tightening its grip, were in for a rare treat.

      “As I speak, some donations in cash and kind are continuing to pour in
and we are convinced that every delegate will be well fed and well looked
after,” said the official.

      The committee had set a target of $500 million.

      Local hotels, lodges and transport operators are gearing themselves
for a business boom anticipating the patronage of thousands of Zanu PF
officials and members as well and police and army personnel likely to be
deployed in the city for the duration of the conference.

      All hotels and lodges that were contacted by The Standard
correspondent yesterday said they were fully booked from the 4th up to the
7th of December.

      Functions such as weddings and business meetings that had been
scheduled to take place at the Masvingo Civic Centre and some hotels have
all been cancelled to make way for the conference.

      By yesterday, several police details, the army and the dreaded
operatives of the Central Intelligence Organisations had been deployed in
Masvingo to “make necessary security arrangement that will make the
conference a success”.

      However, insiders say apart from sloganeering and empty speeches, not
much was expected out of the gathering.

      A copy of the programme of events shows that the conference opens with
Masvingo provincial governor Josiah Hungwe welcoming delegates. Speaker of
parliament and Zanu PF’s secretary for administration, Emmerson Mnangagwa,
will then present delegates, province-by-province to the presidium after
which Mugabe will deliver his keynote address and table the report of the
central committee.

      The session will end with the reading of “solidarity messages” from
Zanu PF’s friends and supporters from various coutries. This will be
followed by a closed session during which delegates will discuss the land
reform, the state of the economy and international relations.

      Zanu PF spokesman Dr Nathan Shamuyarira refused to talk to The
Standard about the congress.
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Zim Standard

      MDC alleges voter intimidation during Kadoma by election
      By our own staff

      VOTING in the Kadoma by election started at a slow pace yesterday amid
reports that war veterans and Zanu PF youths were intimidating supporters of
the opposition Movement for Democratic Change.

      MDC candidate, Charles Hokoyo Mpandawana, is battling it out with Zanu
PF’s Tichafa Mutema, to fill a seat left vacant following the death of
opposition legislator Austin Mpandawana.

      There were reports yesterday that war veterans had fired shots to
scare MDC youths at Kanyemba Polling Station early in the morning but they
could not be independently verified.

      Electoral Supervisory Commission spokesperson, Thomas Bvuma, confirmed
hearing about a shooting incident.

      “I have heard about it but I have not been able to confirm it because
that particular polling station is out of town,” said Bvuma.

      He said elsewhere the atmosphere was quiet and calm and that there was
a “fairly good turn-out” of voters. He estimated that at least 30 percent of
registered voters cast their votes at the 21 polling stations set up in the
constituency.

      Police spokesperson Wayne Bvudzijena yesterday said he had not
received any information on the shooting.
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Zim Standard

      ‘Bush degree’ brings Mugabe face to face with reality
      By Richard Musazulwa

      GWERU— President Robert Mugabe last Saturday witnessed first hand the
poor state of Zimbabwe’s new universities, touted by his regime as post
independent Zimbabwe’s major success story.

      Over the past decade, the Zanu PF government has rolled out a massive
programme of State universities in most major towns, but without providing
adequate resources to match the requirements of such institutions.

      Last Saturday, Mugabe came face to face with reality when he was
conferred with a honorary Doctor of Commerce degree at a bushy site where
the Midlands State University (MSU) campus is to be built.

      After receiving the degree, conferred on him by MSU vice Chancellor
Professor Ngwabi Bhebhe, a visibly disappointed Mugabe, looking at the trees
still to be cleared for the university campus, said of the scrubland venue:

      “I am very disappointed to be awarded a degree in the open like this.
This is the first time I have been awarded a degree ‘Mudondo’ (in the
 bush).”

      Mugabe’s disappointment was probably worsened when a gust of wind blew
a cloud of dust leaving some of the people gathered including Zanu PF
dignitaries, academics and students covered with dust.

      A seething Mugabe, who last visited the campus in 2000 when he laid
the foundation stone, appeared to have been misled by both his advisers and
MSU authorities about progress made in the construction of the university as
he looked unhappy about the ‘bushy’ venue.

      Canaan Dube, MSU Council chairman, in an apparent effort to placate
Mugabe, told the gathering that the institution had already raised a total
of $51 million and construction would start early next year.

      But despite Dube’s explanation, Mugabe, as if to rub salt into the
wounds of the embarrassed officials, threatened to invade the campus and
construct pig sties by the end of January next year if the place is not
developed.

      MSU has been using the former Gweru Teachers’ College (GTC) buildings
near Fletcher High School in the old suburb of Senga. Despite the fact that
Mugabe laid a foundation stone in 2000, to signal the beginning of
construction, no development has taken place.

      The institution has also taken the nearby Senga Training Centre
facilities where the authorities have established a bar, kitchen and
accommodation quarters for students.

      The President, who was accompanied by his wife Grace, was honoured for
his excellence in “commerce and industry”. Ironically, Mugabe’s policies are
blamed for ruining the country’s economy, where inflation rate has risen to
526 percent and unemployment has reached a record 80 percent.
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Zim Standard

      Sendekera jingle costs taxpayers $1,1bn weekly
      By Bertha Shoko

      THE vulgar and nauseating pro-land reform jingle, Sendekera Mwana
Wevhu, currently being broadcast more than 70 times daily on each of the
country’s radio stations, is costing the taxpayer about $1,1billion weekly,
StandardPlus can reveal.

      The jingle, whose production was bankrolled by the Department of
Information in the Office of the President and Cabinet, is the latest
composition done by government sympathisers to drum up support for the
chaotic agrarian reform programme.

      A full-colour and full-page advert, depicting the same jingle, is also
included in each copy of newspapers in the state-controlled Zimpapers stable
and the ruling party-aligned Sunday Mirror, pushing the burden on the
taxpayer even higher.

      The Department of Information’s attempts to use music as a tool to
garner support for the land reform programme are entirely paid for by the
taxpayer, as the department gets its funding directly from State coffers.

      The costs and graphic content of the latest jingle have raised the
hackles of ordinary Zimbabweans, preoccupied with surviving the prevailing
economic recession.

      The jingle, played an average 72 times a day on each radio station,
costs $243m a week on Spot FM, $385m on Radio Zimbabwe, $291m week on 3FM
and $1,99m on National Languages FM, according to the Zimbabwe Broadcasting
Corporation airplay and tariffs regime.

      A minute of airtime is most expensive on ZTV’s prime time segment
around Newshour, costing $652 838. Ironically, the jingle is played mostly
between 5.30PM and 9.30PM, the most costly times on the television station.

      On radio, a minute of airtime is most expensive on Radio Zimbabwe,
going for $382 878.

      “The fact that government can produce, broadcast and advertise this
boring jingle every 30 minutes at such a high cost to the finance ministry
is ample proof of its misplaced priorities,” fumed Raymond Masocha, a viewer
who phoned StandardPlus last week.

      “There is no need to advertise the land reform programme because
government has been claiming that more than 300 000 families are already
resettled on the land,” he added.

      “Zimbabweans cannot eat adverts on land reform — what we want is value
for our taxes, not being inundated by meaningless messages on stations we
fund,” another listener, Tapson Ndlela said.

      Ndlela said the jingle’s content was offensive to the eye and mind,
going against the country’s cultural values which the ruling party is always
harping on about.

      “On television, you are forced to see people gyrating in sexually
explicit dance routines, busy enjoying themselves at the expense of our
sanity.

      “Wouldn’t the money used for making that rubbish have been better used
in restocking, poverty alleviation, grain imports, input provision or
education and health?”

      Added Ndlela: “It would appear that someone up there has convinced
himself that our poverty is his joke of the year.”

      The Department of Information has, since the elevation of Jonathan
Moyo to its helm, busied itself with painting a rosy picture of the country’
s crumbling agricultural sector.

      It has spared no expense in portraying in positive light, the largely
chaotic and economically destructive agrarian reform programme by vainly
playing the patriotism card on viewers and listeners.

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Zim Standard

      Govt dips into FCAs
      By Kumbirai Mafunda

      COMMERCIAL banks have begun to suck into individual foreign currency
accounts (FCAs) by ordering account holders to sell 50 percent of their
earnings at the frozen exchange rate as the government desperately tries to
get its hands on any little foreign currency available.

      Individual FCA holders told StandardBusiness that they were stunned to
be informed that they will be getting 50 percent of their earnings at the
fixed official exchange rate. This new decree means that the remaining other
half would be remitted to the Reserve Bank.

      The depreciating Zimbabwe dollar has since February been frozen
against major trading currencies at $824 to the American greenback, $1 300
to the Pound Sterling and $105 to the South African rand but is selling for
far much more on the parallel market.

      The introduction of the new measures follows a directive from the
Reserve Bank commanding banks and other financial institutions to effect the
latest decree.

      Already corporate FCA holders are obliged to surrender 50% of their
export earnings to the central bank at the official exchange rate whilst the
remainder is kept with the RBZ and released on demand.

      Through the central bank, government will then access that money to
meet its costs.

      President Robert Mugabe’s administration is presently burdened with a
monstrous import bill for food, energy requirements and other essential
commodities, among its other needs.

      Official sources said the recommendation to seize part of the FCAs was
passed by a special Cabinet taskforce appointed by Mugabe recently to
proffer solutions to the foreign exchange squeeze now in its fifth year. The
new directive might be publicly announced in Reserve Bank Governor Gideon
Gono’s monetary policy statement to be made public within two weeks.

      Banking officials said some FCA holders had quickly emptied their
accounts when they got wind that the government intended to pounce on their
savings.

      Other analysts last week said far from solving the foreign exchange
problem, the raid on FCAs was likely to drive Zimbabweans with foreign
accounts into transferring their savings offshore.

      “Zimbabweans will find other ways of evading or even closing those
accounts. It is not a full course method,” said a bank official.
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Zim Standard

      Police stop JAG meeting, arrest members
      By our own Staff

      ARMED police officers from Borrowdale police station stormed a Justice
for Agriculture (JAG) meeting on Friday and dismissed all the farmers who
had gathered at ART Farm in Harare to discuss the way forward on the
compensation issue.

      Leaders of JAG who include David Connelly, John Worsick, Wynard Hart
and Ben Freeth were arrested by the police and taken to Borrowdale police
station to answer charges of contravening the Public Order and Security act
(POSA). They were all later released without charge.

      The mostly white former commercial farmers driven off their land in
the wake of the government’s controversial fast-track land reform programme
have rejected State offers of compensation saying the amounts involved are
unacceptable.

      They say the evaluation process was not done independently and they
will not accept the compensation being offered. “Our farmers are not happy
with the way the government valued their properties. It was done by
unqualified A’ level students, who do not know how to value properties,”
said a farmer who declined to be named.

      The Standard was told that the police had also arrested a farmer who
was taking pictures at the event and took him to Borrowdale police station.

      Chris Shepherd, a farmer who had come to attend the meeting said they
had been ordered to disperse as the meeting was said to be illegal.

      “We have been instructed to go back home because they say the meeting
is illegal under POSA. They said it was an illegal gathering,” said
Shepherd.

      Contacted by The Standard for comment, officers at Borrowdale police
station said the officer-in-charge was not available and no one present was
qualified to comment.

      The four farmers were released without being charged after being
detained for more than six hours. John Worsick, JAG vice president confirmed
that all the members of the association who had been arrested were released
without being charged.

      “They released us without charging us, but they successfully disrupted
and eventually stopped our meeting. They had said they would charge us under
POSA but this did not happen,” he said.
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Zim Standard

      Court stops State move to grab farm
      By Caiphas Chimhete

      THE High Court last week issued an interdict stopping Joseph Made, the
Minister of Lands, Agriculture and Rural Resettlement and Joseph
Matowanyika, the chief executive of the Agricultural and Rural Development
Authority (Arda) from seizing farm equipment and interfering with the
operations of Wallacedale farm in Manicaland province.

      The interdict, issued by Justice Gowora, followed reports that Made
and Matowanyika, allegedly threatened to seize the equipment belonging to
Wallacedale and intimidated the farm’s workers.

      “It is ordered that the 1st and 2nd respondents (Matowanyika and Made)
not to interfere with the orderly relocation and/ or transfer of the
applicants’ movable assets from Wallacedale Farm, as more fully described in
Annexures “J1”, “J2” and “J3” to the application, pending the determination
of the application in the High Court,” reads the interdict.

      Made and Moyo had indicated to Edwin Moyo, the farmer leasing
Wallacedale farm, also known as Kondozi, that the farm had been acquired by
Arda and that the parastatal would take over equipment and crop production
with immediate effect.

      According to the founding affidavit by Moyo filed with the High Court
, the duo’s actions threatened the viability of the horticultural project,
which exports flowers, baby corn, sweet melons, butternuts, peas and beans
to the US and South Africa.

      Apart from that, it also threatened over 4 000 jobs at the farm, which
also trades as Canvest Farming. The company makes an annual turnover of
US$35 million.

      The horticultural project is a joint venture between Moyo, who holds
52 percent shareholding, and Piet de Klerk the remainder.

      Moyo said Made and Matowanyika ordered him out of the farm although no
formal sections 3, 5, or 8 were ever served on the property in terms of the
Land Acquisition Act.

      Made could not be reached for comment. But Cassian Mufanebadza
Jakachira of Jakachira Gahadzikwa & Company, who is representing Arda,
insisted that notices were served in 2001.

      “I have instructions that the notices were served way back in 2001,”
said Jakachira, who however confirmed the issuance of the interdict by the
High Court.

      In his affidavit, Moyo said Made had also indicated that “I was to
arrange the hand over of my business — lock, stock and barrel — to Arda” and
no compensation would be paid in respect to loss of business. Apart from
that, Canvest Farming’s debts amounting to US$15 million would remain
liabilities for Moyo and Klerk.

      On November 21 this year, Matowanyika wrote to Moyo informing him that
Arda had taken over the farm, including crop production and processing
operations. “Arda intends to purchase the moveable assets at the farm
including the processing plant and equipment at an agreed price and after a
valuation having been carried out,” said Matowanyika’s letter.

      Minutes of a meeting held between Moyo and Matowanyika together with
other Arda officials confirms Moyo’s assertions.

      “Arda intends to continue the production of horticultural produce on
the farm,” read the minutes.

      However, Moyo has insisted that he be given enough time to wind up
operations and that he be allowed to remove his moveable equipment, worth
US$80 billion, so that he can restart his export business elsewhere.

      “Arda has a lot of under-utilised farms countrywide, I don’t know why
they are interested in this one, one that is being leased to a black
indigenous person. It is obvious that they do not want the farm but my
equipment,” said Moyo, when contacted for a comment.

      Last week, Arda deployed about 30 security guards at the farm creating
“tension within the labour force.” The guards are already camped on the
farm.

      “My worst fear is that the situation might degenerate into an
industrial action like the one we had some two weeks ago after the spread of
malicious rumours on the takeover of the farm by Arda,” said Canvest Farming
human resources manager, a Maravanyika in a letter to Moyo.

      Moyo has written to vice President Joseph Msika in his capacity as the
chairman of the national Lands and Resettlement Committee appealing for his
intervention.

      “It would appear that both the Member of Parliament for the area Mr
Chris Mushowe and the Ministry of Agriculture are refusing to accept the
joint venture arrangement. Their allegations are that I am not a shareholder
in the business.

      “I enclose, herein, two copies of my share certificates,” read a copy
of a letter to Msika dated 14 October. Both Mushowe and Msika could not be
contacted for a comment.

      Despite the existence of share certificates that proves his 52 percent
shareholding, said Moyo, Made and Matowanyika, insist on taking over both
the farm and equipment.

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Zim Standard

      Zimbabwe doomed without donor funding
      By Kumbirai Mafunda

      ZIMBABWE’S Finance Minister, Herbert Murerwa, disappointed many
Zimbabweans who had hoped he would give some indication on how the
government intended to mend relations with international development
partners such as the International Monetary Fund (IMF) in his 2004 National
Budget, seen as a pre-requisite for Zimbabwe’s reconstruction, say analysts.

      In his 32-page statement tabled in Parliament, Murerwa remained mum on
the intricacies involved in trying to stitch tattered relations with key
international development partners including the World Bank and the IMF.

      Since 1999 multilateral lenders have severed relations with Harare
pointing to Harare’s pariah status and the lawlessness associated with its
controversial land reforms.

      Last year, Murerwa pledged to devote more energy in working towards
amortising debts owed to international lenders, thereby improving Zimbabwe’s
creditworthiness.

      He also pledged to restore better relations with the two Bretton Woods
institutions who have frozen critical balance of payments support to Harare.

      However, in his 2004 National Budget, Murerwa skirted around
addressing mending of the problematic relations.

      He blamed sanctions slapped on President Robert Mugabe and his
henchmen by the European Union and the US as the cause for Zimbabwe’s
runaway inflation, skyrocketing prices and mounting poverty.

      At a time world economic output is on an upward trend and estimated to
grow by 3,2% this year and by 4,1% later, Zimbabwe has revised its figures
and says its economy will shrink by 13,2% this year against a projected
7,2%.

      Economic analysts said Murerwa’s failure to push through his intention
to normalise relations with the World Bank and the IMF was a clear sign that
Zimbabwe had abandoned all hopes of a quick economic recovery.

      Trust Holdings group economist, David Mupamhadzi, said it was
imperative for developing countries such as Zimbabwe to work with rich
countries.

      “It is important that Zimbabwe re-looks at its relations with the
international community to refoster its marriage,” said Mpamhadzi.

      Mupamhadzi said the complexion of Murerwa’s Budget could have been a
different one if the country had been receiving donor funding.

      Owing to the drying up of alternative sources of funding, the
government has turned to the domestic market for almost all its borrowing.

      Currently, State entities such as ZESA, Noczim and GMB have been
raiding the local money market in a desperate search for funds, both local
and foreign.

      “Getting sources outside the domestic market gives the country a
leeway and breathing space in terms of borrowing,” said Mupamhadzi.

      Rashid Mdala, an analyst with First Mutual, warned that Zimbabwe would
remain short of foreign currency unless ties with international development
partners are sawn.

      “We need to give priority to the mending of relations before we start
talking of any recovery because international investors take a cue from
organisations such as the IMF and other multilateral lenders,” said Mdala.
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Zim Standard

      WOZA plans protest
      By Our own staff

      A women’s group, Women of Zimbabwe Arise (Woza), will next week stage
street protests against high prices of food and shortages of basic
commodities, which it said were forms of domestic violence.

      In a statement on Friday, Woza urged women to descend onto the streets
beating pots in protest “so that our message will be delivered with impact.

      “Why can Zimbabwe not feed its people? Woza regards this as a form of
‘domestic violence’. Let us beat our pots to protest against this form of
domestic violence,” said the Woza statement.

      The march is part of numerous events lined up during the 16 days of
activism against domestic violence.

      Woza said by beating empty pots, women would be demanding affordable
food and that supermarkets stop profiteering from the hungry masses.

      Zimbabwe has been experiencing a number of socio-economic and
political problems in recent years. However, women, children, the disabled,
the terminally ill and the elderly bear the biggest burden, says Woza.

      According to the United Nation’s World Food Programme about 5,5
million Zimbabweans will be in need of food aid this year.

      In the rural areas, most households are now female headed as the
husbands are employed or unemployed in urban areas, leaving mothers to fight
a lone battle in providing for the family.

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Zim Standard

      Internal squabbles rock ANZ
      newsfocus By Walter Marwizi

      CRACKS have appeared within the ranks of the beleaguered media
organisation, the Associated Newspapers of Zimbabwe, casting doubt on the
company’s ability to forge a united front in its protracted battle to bring
back onto the streets its flagship, The Daily News and its sister paper, The
Daily News on Sunday.

      From September 12 when The Daily News was abruptly closed by the
government for operating without a licence, all seemed well at ANZ with both
workers and management demonstrating a determined spirit, and promising each
other to fight to the bitter end until the popular paper hit the streets
again.

      “We won’t let The Daily News ink pot run dry”, seemed to be the
clarion call as sympathies poured in from many organisations and governments
across the world.

      But last week’s events painted a completely different picture
altogether revealing for the first time that for most workers, the resolve
to fight for the “people’s paper” was fast disappearing like due in the sun.

      On Friday, the workers resolved at a highly charged meeting that
management had to come up with a voluntary retrenchment scheme that would
benefit those employees who wanted to pack their bags and leave it to fight
its own battles with the government.

      Already some key staff at the printing press, a photographer, an
editor and other workers in other departments have left the company.

      And this was not just a case of abandoning a sinking ship, the workers
told The Standard yesterday, but a result of a careful appraisal by workers
over the way the company had been run over the past few months.

      “Fighting to bring back to life The Daily News had become second
nature to us but what can you do when you find that it is not everyone who
cherishes the same goal,” said a representative of the workers.

      To make matters worse, over the past week, workers and management at
the ANZ were trading accusations of asset stripping and abuse of company
property, among other things.

      Plates worth $40 million had allegedly disappeared at the printing
factory, and so had computer equipment worth millions of dollars, and
management pointed fingers at the workers.

      The workers, for their part, are convinced it is some people in
management who are stealing the equipment. They argue that it is not
possible for an ordinary worker to get out of the building carrying a
computer without being detected by the company’s security guards. They also
allege abuse of company fuel which they claim is being diverted for personal
use.

      And as the accusations and counter-accusations intensified, Daily News
Editor Nqobile Nyathi called a meeting on Wednesday and told the editorial
staff that management had resolved to send them all on forced but paid leave
because of the problems. They all had to surrender their keys to the
newsroom, they were told.

      The workers refused to comply, charging such a decision could only
come from the likes of Jonathan Moyo, the junior minister for Information
and Publicity in the Office of the President and Cabinet, whom they said was
keen to stop them from writing stories and not from a management committed
to the revival of The Daily News.

      “We would treat that as a lock out which could only be resolved by the
labour court,” the workers told Nyathi.

      They then demanded audience with the ANZ human resources personnel.
The meeting failed to bear fruit as the journalists made it clear they would
only go on forced leave if they received the directive in writing.

      Meanwhile, the emplo-yees revived their workers committee on Friday,
putting in new leaders to champion their cause to demand exit packages from
management.

      “We have lost confidence in the management which is playing with our
lives. We feel betrayed. Right from the start, it was management that made a
decision not to register the paper with the MIC. What kind of principles did
they have that were not shared by other independent news papers such as The
Standard and the Zimbabwe Independent which are still publishing. They
should just give us packages so we can go,” said another distressed worker.

      ANZ chief executive officer Samuel Sipepa Nkomo yesterday admitted all
was not well at the media house but there is a hidden hand behind the
company’s problems. “It’s a strategy. A strategy by those who want to
destroy us. It’s not of our own making,” said Nkomo.

      “We have moles: people who are being paid to tell everything that goes
on at the ANZ. Five minutes after a meeting, I get a call from The Herald
asking about the things we were discussing. We have been infiltrated and we
are aware of the strategy,” he said.

      Turning to the issue of forced leave, Nkomo said: “When people just
come to work to sit and do nothing, the tendency is for them to abuse the
phone. We have incurred huge telephone bills. We used to pay about $2-3
million dollars a month but in September we paid close to $9 million.”

      Apart from the telephone bills, Nkomo alleged some workers were
vandalising company equipment.

      “My own laptop was stolen in the office even though there was no
break-in. Computers ha-ve disappeared.”

      He also dismissed as untrue allegations that he was diverting company
fuel to his farm in the Midlands. “I bought 200 litres of diesel from the
ANZ after talking to the transport manager about it. I do not see anything
sinister about it,” he said.
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Zim Standard

      US envoy urges political dialogue
      By Bornwell Chakaodza

      UNITED STATES ambassador to Zimbabwe Joseph Sullivan said dialogue is
the only way to salvage Zimbabwe from the current political and economic
crisis bedeviling the country.

      “Zimbabweans,” said Sullivan “I believe want a democratic dispensation
and that’s what we want as well. It is up to Zimbabweans to define precisely
how to reach that point but I think dialogue is the way forward as a means
of returning to democratic legitimacy.”

      The ambassador’s remarks come at a time when talks between the ruling
Zanu PF and the opposition Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) appear to
have floundered.

      Zanu PF pulled out of the talks citing MDC’s refusal to drop a court
case in which the opposition leader, Morgan Tsvangirai, is challenging
President Robert Mugabe’s election during the 2002 presidential plebiscite.

      “Zimbabweans’ capacity to discuss among themselves to find a way
forward is complicated but if there is political will, a way forward would
be found,” noted the ambassador. Sullivan said the US, together with the
international community, would like to see Zimbabwe adhere to the principles
of its Constitution to enable it to prosper and move forward as a country.

      Unfortunately, Zimbabwe has not respected its own constitution as
evidenced by the absence of the rule of law and the rampant abuse of basic
human rights by Mugabe’s regime, he said.

      “The Constitution of Zimbabwe specifies that Zimbabwe is a country
committed to democratic governance and the rule of law and what President
Bush and Secretary Powell has indicated is that Zimbabwe is not adhering to
these commitments,” said Sullivan in an interview with The Standard.

      He said Zimbabwe’s failure to respect its Constitution was driving
away investors and straining relations with the international community.
Refuting allegations that the US was responsible for Zimbabwe’s current
economic recession, Sullivan said investment would always flow to countries
with a favourable investment climate.

      “There are other reasons for the decline of the Zimbabwe’s economy…
certainly not US sanctions. We are doing everything we can to help the
people of Zimbabwe,” said the envoy.

      The US ambassador conceded that relations between Zimbabwe and his
country were not what they ought to be. “Certainly, there are times when
relations between governments are negative and this is such a time.”

      Due to the bad blood between the US and Zimbabwe, Sullivan rarely
speaks to Foreign Minister, Stan Mudenge. Contacts between his office and
foreign affairs are normally at permanent secretary’s level and heads of
regional desks, said Sullivan.

      However, dispite the poor relations, the US continues to fund a number
of projects in the country. In the past two years, the US has provided
assistance worth US$140 million to Zimbabwe, with a huge chunk of the money
going to food assistance, social welfare and health, including HIV/Aids
programmes and other forms of assistance.

      The only US-sponsored programme that suffered political interference
was the Mopani Junction, which was abruptly switched off the air by the
Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation (ZBC) in June. The project was designed to
protect and educate youths about the dangers of HIV/Aids.

      “Our assistance is mostly through NGOs so that we can be assured that
it reaches the intended beneficiaries,” said Sullivan, who added that his
country was eager to see Zimbabwe prosper and take its rightful place in the
family of nations.
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Zim Standard

      TNF on verge of collapse, say major partners
      By our own Staff

      THE Tripartite Negotiating Forum (TNF) has all but collapsed due to
political differences, which are halting dialogue between the forum and the
government, Standard Business has established.

      Delegates to a workshop held in Harare last week heard that the
Zimbabwe Congress of Trade Unions was getting tired of the governing Zanu PF
party’s interference in the tripartite negotiation forum.

      “We need to work with organisations which are not political so as to
yield better results in working out of poverty in Zimbabwe,” said Wellington
Chibhebhe, the ZCTU secretary-general.

      The theme for the workshop was Working out of Poverty in Zimbabwe and
the meeting comes ahead of the 10th African Regional Meeting of the ILO to
be held in Addis Ababa next month.

      The TNF members include labour, business and government and
organisations such as the ZCTU, the Employers Confederation of Zimbabwe
(EMCOZ) and government ministries, among others.

      According to delegates, dialogue between tripartite members and the
government died in April this year after the State increased fuel prices.

      “We support you to work with your government and if national
conditions regarding business and social dialogue are not conducive, the ILO
produces blueprints,” said Ullrich Flechsenhar, a senior official of the
International Labour Organisation (ILO).

      Delegates also cited the lack of social and political will by
Zimbabweans to alleviate poverty and heard that everyone was now pinning
their hopes on organisations such as the ILO to find solutions to the
problems.

      Currently, the government — through the assistance of United Nations
agencies — is carrying out the Second Poverty Assessment Study Survey (PASS
2) which is aimed at providing policy makers with updated statistics and
information on poverty to enable them to make decisions on poverty
alleviation interventions.
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Zim Standard

      Refuse pile-up lowers Harare property values
      By Valentine Maponga

      CONTINUED failure by the Harare City Council to collect refuse is
impacting negatively on the property market as values of houses in areas
where dirt is accumulating are depreciating.

      Harare, once the pride of Africa and one of the world’s cleanest
cities two decades ago, has now become a garbage town with piles of refuse
all over.

      The council has attributed the failure to collect refuse to shortages
of fuel and vehicles. It says it is also planning to launch a 24-hour refuse
collection system to resolve the situation before it becomes a disaster in
terms of the health of the general public.

      Open sanitary lanes piled high with refuse are now a common sight in
Harare, reducing the value and the security of many properties, say property
valuers.

      An underlying notion of the relation between property and value is
that the value of a home (sales price or rent) is related to the traits that
the home possesses.

      Considering the typical real estate listing: it will contain
information about the structural traits of a home or retail shop (stone or
wood, baths, bedrooms, age, type of heat, square footage, family room,
garage and other special features.)

      The traits of an attractive neighbourhood include where the home is
located such as schools, quietness, access to the city, access to ocean or
mountains and whether area is free from crime.

      Property valuers say the traits collectively determine the value of
the home — this is what people have in mind when they say “putting in
another bathroom will pay for itself”, say valuers.

      But, one of the most important traits that people care about is
environmental quality — a home in a polluted area will rent or sell for a
smaller amount than will a home in a cleaner area.

      Property consultants said property values tend to go down if the place
is not clean and appreciable.

      “It gives a very bad impression to buyers to see that the area in
which they want to buy is dirty or to find that the sanitary lanes are open
and full of refuse,” said Lennon Muchingadare, a property consultant based
in Harare.

      Richard Mutengambiri, a property manager at Paradise Property, a real
estate company also in Harare, said there were a lot of conditions and
traits that people always looked for when deciding to buy or rent property.

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Zim Standard

      Trillion dollar charade
      Sundaytalk with Pius Wakatama

      I, for one, did not wait in breathless suspense in anticipation of the
presentation of the 2004 budget proposals. I had long concluded that it was
going to be a non-event. It was just that.

      But, given the existing political and economic circumstances, what
could the Minister of Finance, Herbert Murerwa, have done apart from
admitting that the task was impossible and resigning. He just had to come up
with something. If it was me, I would have jumped from the sinking ship for
I am no juggler.

      At least Murerwa is able to think in terms of trillions of dollars.
That’s more than I can do. In fact, I have not yet learnt how to write
trillions in figures and never before imagined that such sums of money
existed or could exist in our heavily looted national coffers taking into
account the fact that our productive capability is now next to zero.

      But, seeing as how I now need a bagful of thousands of bank notes to
buy only the very essential groceries for the week, I can understand Murerwa
’s dilemma. Trillions in Zimbabwean terms are just worthless pieces of
papers.

      Murerwa did his best even though the whole exercise was just a
charade. It is part of the band aid being put on Zimbabwe’s festering cancer
which is eating away the flesh. But, we just have to keep up appearances by
any means, don’t we?

      Really, how can a moral and thinking government allocate $1,27
trillion to defence and security ahead of such vital sectors as health,
which got 701,2 billion, the much celebrated “agricultural revolution,”
which got $439,8 billion and education which got $557,7 billion? Not to
mention mining and tourism, which are real income generators but got cursory
treatment.

      Our health delivery system has virtually collapsed. The whole health
infrastructure has crumbled into a sorry heap of rubbish. Hospitals have no
essential drugs and cannot feed patients adequately. Working cond-itions for
medical personnel have reverted to the primitive and most of them have left
for better pastures elsewhere.

      The current strike by nurses and doctors has struck the final blow to
the whole system. Hundreds of patients are dying on hospital doorsteps
without attention. The HIV/Aids pandemic is totally out of control and
threatens the whole population.

      Shame on you Mari-yawanda Nzuwa, chairman of the Public Service
Commission for calling upon the police to arrest striking doctors. I should
say the laws that make it an offence for doctors to strike under any
circumstances are unjust and deserve to be ignored. The striking doctors
have been patriotic enough by remaining in this oppressive and impoverished
country.

      After all a fraction of their salaries overseas would make their
starving parents millionaires overnight. As for the Hippocratic oath, even
Hyppocrates himself would have supported the striking doctors and soundly
condemned those who have brought about the deplorable economic conditions in
Zimbabwe today.

      As your name Mariyawanda suggests, you probably have lots of money.
These doctors need it too, in order to live decent and meaningful lives.
They did not go to school so that they would sacrifice for the paucity of
morality and thought of greedy and corrupt politicians.

      Under the present circumstances wherein our health delivery system has
virtually collapsed one would have expected a caring government to declare
it a national disaster and appeal for international intervention. The
proposed budget allocation is not even enough to rehabilitate Harare,
Parirenyatwa and Mpilo hospitals to their former glory. The country is broke
and cannot get itself out of this mess.

      I was surprised to read in The Herald of November 21, 2003 that Tapiwa
Mashakada, MDC member for Hatfied had welcomed the budget proposals with joy
because the contributions from the opposition party were taken into account.
He was quoted as saying, “We are happy that the increase of the tax
threshold, which we proposed during the budget formulation meetings, has
been taken into account.

      It is true that the good Book says we should count our blessings and
be thankful for all small mercies but, is there any justification for
bubbling with joy for this budget given our overall political and economic
situation? Mr. Mashakada, what significance is there for the raising of the
tax threshold when less than 30% of the population is employed? And with the
ever-spiraling inflation, for how long will the raising of the threshold
benefit the tax payer?

      Tendai Biti, MDC Member of Parliament for Harare East, was closer to
the truth. He said, “The budget does not address fundamental issues of
inflation, attracting foreign and local investors and the security of
investors. It is a stand still budget.”

      The 2004 Zimbabwe budget proposals send a very clear message. It is
that our government is lost in the jungle and has no idea whatsoever of how
to get out of this political and economic wilderness. As long as it remains
in power, our suffering will get worse and worse and we will all perish in
the jungle.

      The Zimbabwe Congress of Trade Unions president, Lovemore Matombo read
the message correctly and was very forthright. He said the budget was
primarily geared to continue oiling the ruling Zanu PF machine. He said,
“This government has failed. they have nothing to offer. In any democracy
the only prudent thing to do is to resign.”

      Can you imagine the Zanu PF government led by Comrade Robert Mugabe
resigning? No Sir, they will have to be pressurised out of power by the
people in the same way Shervadnadze was recently pushed out of power in
Georgia or through the ballot box.

      It is, therefore, imperative that the MDC stop playing diplomatic
party politics of dwelling on trivia as they now seem to be doing. They
should recognise the fact that the MDC is not just a political party but a
democratic movement which is raring to go.

      It needs to be organised and mobilised. It therefore, needs strong and
creative leadership with above average organisational skills. Above all it
needs transparent and outspoken leaders of the calibre of the late Learnmore
Jongwe who will not beat about the bush but call a spade a spade.

      I was rather disappointed by MDC leader Morgan Tsvangirai’s re-sponse
to a question from a reporter after meeting with Nigerian President,
Olusegun Obasanjo. Hewas asked what the subject of their discussion was and
he replied, “Don’t ask me, Ask Obasanjo.”

      This just won’t do. What does Tsvangirai owe Obasanjo or anybody for
that matter? At this time we need opposition leaders who will inform their
followers candidly about what is going on. Secret deals are out.

      He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
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Zim Standard

      Chogm: Hiding behind sovereignty futile

      FOR President Robert Mugabe, the decision by the Commonwealth not to
invite him for the Abuja summit must have come as a terrible blow, not only
to his personal ego but more importantly, to his blazing political career
which started in the late 50s culminating in the disputed Presidential
elections of 2002.

      There is no doubt President Mugabe was desperate to be in Abuja,
Nigeria. His statements during last week’s visit to Harare by summit host,
President Olusegun Obasanjo attested to this. Counting on the support of
fellow African leaders in his crusade against the ‘racist’ West, the
President left no stone unturned in his desperate attempts to make a last
ditch stand to continue being a member of the Commonwealth Club.

      Now his ego was dealt a mortal blow when President Obasanjo, acting on
behalf of the Commonwealth as a whole, informed him he could not travel to
Abuja. He is a disappointed and angry man.

      What angers President Mugabe the most must be that his attempt to
divide the Commonwealth across racial lines has come unstuck. His
pontificating about how Africans must stand together in defence of their
sovereignty is a telling admission of his foiled agenda had he been allowed
to attend Chogm in Abuja this week. He has been denied the chance to poison
the atmosphere in Abuja and the opportunity to score an immense propaganda
‘victory’ over British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Australia’s John
Howard.

      And piqued by the exclusion from Chogm, Mugabe’s talk now is one of
wanting to leave this Club of largely former British colonies. In an
emotional piece of theatre to a captive audience of mourners at Heroes Acre
during the burial of former deputy minister, Norman Zikhali, he had this to
say: “If our sovereignty is what we have to lose to be readmitted into the
Commonwealth, well, we will say goodbye to the Commonwealth and perhaps time
has come to say so.” Many must have wondered what the connection is between
his exclusion from Chogm and Zimbabwe’s sovereignty.

      It is worth noting that whenever President Mugabe has been confronted
with uncomfortable realities, his tendency has been to take refuge in the
issue of the country’s sovereignty. Over and over again he says it as if it
is the panacea to the country’s ills. In the absence of tangible economic
benefits and democratic space for self realisation, sovereignty is nothing
more than a nebulous concept.

      It does nothing to improve the lives of the country’s long suffering
masses. For how long should Zimbabweans accept to be innocent victims of the
President’s fiery rhetoric and dynamic bombast which does nothing to bring
relief to their country’s mounting economic and political problems.

      The truth of the matter is that President Mugabe’’s pariah status is
self-inflicted. He has brought upon himself the political humiliation that
he is suffering. It is a dramatic irony that President Mugabe today stands
accused of persistently breaching democratic principles drawn up during a
Chogm summit in Harare in 1991. How times have changed – the same principles
have returned to haunt him and he is now paying a high price for violating
them consistently for the past three years or so.

      The outcome of the Harare Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting
(Chogm) of 1991 gave the Club what is now called the Commonwealth Harare
Declaration.

      The Declaration effectively became the Commonwealth’s ‘Mission
Statement’ setting out the Commonwealth’s commitment to such key principles
as democracy, human rights, the rule of law, the independence of the
judiciary, freedom of expression and association, the right of citizens to
choose freely the men and women who would govern them and an undertaking to
pursue sustainable economic development, among many other issues.

      These basic democratic benchmarks and values are universal and have
nothing to do with any one country’s sovereignty.

      Needless to say, the Zimbabwe government’s score card in upholding
these basic tenets of civilised governance is dismal. Instead, our leaders
are noted for their arrogant, self-seeking obstinacy in refusing to listen
to both friend and foe. In direct violation of the Commonwealth Harare
Declaration , the Harare government has gone ahead and crafted obnoxious
pieces of legislation notably the Public Order and Security Act (Posa), the
Access to Information and Protection of Privacy Act (Aippa)and the General
Laws Amendment Act among others.

      As a consequence of these repressive laws, an independent newspaper,
The Daily News was shut down, to say nothing of the deteriorating human
rights situation in the country: the growing lawlessness and the
politically-motivated violence that has gripped a country that was once the
envy of the world.

      A country that was once the breadbasket of the region has been reduced
to a basket case. The economy has crumbled. Food shortages are stalking the
land compounding the deadly pandemic HIV/Aids on its deadly march. President
Mugabe’s inflexibility might appeal to his faithful as a sign of strength of
character and purpose but the truth is that he is prolonging the suffering
of Zimbabweans in his otherwise unwinnable war.

      The political embarrassment that President Mugabe has suffered by not
attending Chogm for the first time since Zimbabwe’s independence is entirely
of his own making. The litany of misdemeanours on the part of the Zimbabwe
government has evoked a strong Commonwealth response —and rightly so.

      An anguished President is threatening to pull Zimbabwe out of the
Commonwealth at a time when countries are queuing to join it. The
Commonwealth has undisputed moral authority and shared values and we are
cock sure no country or leader in his right mind would want not to be
associated with it.

      Zimbabwe has benefited immensely from the Commonwealth and we believe
no individual, not even the President has the right to hold a whole country
like Zimbabwe to ransom.

      If this were to happen, history will judge such a person harshly.

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      What’s in a name? Quite a lot
      overthetop By Brian Latham

      That horrid Mr William Gates, a source of constant irritation to
millions of computer users, has one redeeming feature: the spell check
thingy that so very often suggests more appropriate spellings for
Zimbabweans words and names.

      Mugabe, for instance, becomes “mutate,” which is something most people
would like to happen to him. It also suggests megabit, whatever that is, but
interestingly not mugger.

      Meanwhile, Nigerian leader Olusegun Obasanjo becomes Flashgun
Basenji – and if Mr Gates were a Zimbabwean, no doubt Obasanjo would
translate into mbanje, a substance some believe he’s partial to.

      Meanwhile, the country’s curious police commissioner Augustine Chihuri
interestingly turns into the English county of Cheshire, but again a Shona
dictionary might suggest a more appropriate alternative. The computer also
suggests chirurgic, an archaic word pertaining to surgery, no doubt of the
head.

      Rather amusingly, poor old “Trousers Down” Mpofu becomes “pouf,” which
is an interesting variation on spelling, but the general meaning is clear
enough.

      Further South, Thabo Mbeki becomes Taboo Meeker, and you’d be hard
pressed to find a better description of the continent’s most craven leader.

      Nkomo turns into nomad or Naomi, while Muzenda becomes mused or
pudenda, but one shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.

      Meanwhile, justice minister Patrick Chinamasa can thank his parents
for sticking with Patrick, because his suggested surname of Chainmesh is
altogether more sinister – not to say fitting.

      Meanwhile, Peter Chanetsa could be Chinese, a chalet or even a
chanteuse. The latter seems unlikely, while size and weight might suggest a
chalet would be too small for a man who requires such impressive space.

      But what of their opponents? Morgan Tsvangirai, my computer says, is
really called Morgan Sangria, which is perhaps why he leads the More Drink
Coming Party. And Welshman Ncube becomes Cubed – or Cuban, which is
something no one would welcome.

      David Coltart becomes David Cultrate, which means sharp or knife
edged, which is perhaps why he’s pitted against Mr Chainmesh.

      On the periphery, there is of course Swanepoel, which becomes
swinepoxes and is entirely self-explanatory.

      The new head of the Reserve Bank, Gideon Gono, also provides some
amusement, with Goon, Gonzo, Gong and Gone being offered as suitable. Most
Zimbabweans would opt for the last choice, but it seems unlikely to happen
soon.

      And security minister Nicholas Goche becomes Gauche, Gopher or
Gnocchi. It’s hard to find a connection with an Italian food, and it’s not
my place to suggest that the man who controls the goons is gauche or anyone’
s gopher.

      Meanwhile, Justice Paddington Garwe becomes Gore or Grace, both of
which might seem mildly offensive, so we’ll avoid comparisons.

      Presidential spin-doctor George Charamba is, according to my laptop,
actually a charabanc, but that can’t be right because a charabanc is useful.

      The unlamented Enos Chikowore should be called Chokebore, says Mr
Gates. But that can’t be right either, because a chokebore is a shotgun with
a muzzle that narrows at the end — not something that can be truthfully said
of Mr Chikowore.

      And while there are sadly no amusing suggestions for Jonathan Moyo,
his alter ego Nathaniel Manheru is, appropriately enough, given Masher as an
alternative.

      Of course, all these suggested names are selected randomly and the
fact that some point to certain characteristics is purely coincidental. Any
similarity to persons living or dead is entirely in your imagination and
does not exist in reality, whatever your computer says. Computers lie, just
as Mr William Gates does when he tells us how well these contraptions work
with his products.

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