Advice for Chamisa and ED 

Source: Advice for Chamisa and ED – The Standard May 20, 2018

My dear people, This week I would like to give you hope that the Great Robert will rule this country again one day.


As I once famously said, that great man should just rule us, whether from a wheelchair, wheelbarrow or even from the grave.

Meanwhile, you have to put up with very mediocre leadership from ED.

Six months into his stolen leadership and the man has not even buried a single person at the heroes acre.

Even political violence in which The Bobster majored has gone down during an election year.

By now, just over two months before an election, it is difficult to convince anybody that there will be elections soon.

Blood would flow during the bloodbath with bones broken at will.

As for the opposition, I just give up.

Their leaders seem not to know that they have left student activism, which thrives on playing to the gallery.

My advice to Chamisa is to avoid lies. No matter how small.

You started by claiming that you had met Donald Trump who promised you $15 billion, which was clearly a lie.

Then there was the Joshua Nkomo sceptre that you implied had been given to you by the family.

Another fib.

Then the mother of lies: that Queen Elizabeth had invited you to England.

Which was another giant lie.

As one comic movie star said: “The Queen of England does not wield enough power even to order the purchase of a plane ticket.”

If you stick to the truth, the people will love you more. Simply put, stop telling lies.

Offering your younger sister to appease elderly men such as ED is the kind of thing that all progressive people take a dim view of.

Making a petulant apology or retraction is regarded as not being sincere.

As for ED, he needs to show people, especially an important constituency such as women, that when he meets them, he values their concerns and that they are not subjects of ridicule.

Some time ago when given sanitary pads he implied that he had, up to then, not known how they were used.

Ridiculous material coming from a father, husband and grandfather.

Unlike cavemen, modern men discuss those things with their close relatives.

On Friday ED met women’s representative groups.

And Cde Lizard, did you say you were not sure if young girls were involved in sex work and even wondered if police were aware of it?

Unbelievable nonsense! What reports are you receiving from JOC? Or maybe they are not giving you.

Maybe such reports go to Dr Shenanigans only.

Is ED so detached from reality that he is not aware that in some settlements outside Harare some young girls were being paid 25c or getting empty beer bottles for resale in exchange for sex.

The whole thing must have been so embarrassing that The Herald could only produce the headline: “President engages women”.

Khupe, Gutu, Bhebhe and now Majome

Zanu PF has been celebrating developments taking place in the MDC-T since Chamisa’s new dispensation.

Among some of the reasons for the celebrations is the violent ejection of party vice-president Thokozani Khupe.

Thanks to the Nerorists, Khupe and her supporters were successfully terrorised out of the party.

Advantage Zanu PF.

Among party leaders who left are spokesman Obert Gutu, Abednigo Bhebhe and other senior party cadres.

Zanu PF had another reason to smile this week after popular and hardworking Harare West member of Parliament was frustrated out of the party.

Brilliant work from the young cobra. The fact that there is a much younger lady who has been identified by the new owner of the party to replace Jessie is neither here nor there.

Jessie is too old anyway.

Tsvangison also excelled in that domain so somebody needs to carry the legacy forward and strike effectively.

In a short space of time, the young leader has successfully alienated older people, young women, women voters and people from Matabeleland. This includes big powers like the USA and Britain, which now have to regularly issue statements correcting some fib.

Advantage Zanu PF.

Police banned

A lot of people were heard celebrating after Police commissioner-general Godwin Matanga reportedly banned police officers from smoking and drinking in public while in uniform.

This is a very wise and noble statement, which we hope will ensure police regain the confidence of the people.

The problem is that this has always been part of police regulations for decades.

So either chef Matanga was misquoted or The Horrid just got it wrong. As they always do anyway.

I still have a cutting in which a sports journalist wrote about a football player who had “shined” on the football pitch and how he had “shacked” hands with his opponents at the end of the match.

Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Ntombizodwa woyee!
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)

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