Sooner than later, we’ll see some of our loved ones die. Although death is a major emotional blow to us, the period before the dying can be every bit as devastating. Watching someone we’ve known our entire life slowly wither away often leaves a trauma that we’ll have a hard time erasing from our memory.
Regardless of what we might feel at the moment, we must ensure that the person dies gracefully. We need to provide support so that the “transition” to the other side is as painless as possible. That said, here are a few things you can do to support a terminally ill family member.
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Try Alternate Therapies
The first thing we recommend you do is give alternate therapies a try. Many terminally ill patients try experimental drugs through a process known as the compassionate use program. This type of program is designed for patients who have no other viable treatment options, specifically for chronic and life-threatening situations.
Given that these patients are hanging by a thread, it doesn’t matter much if a drug shows negative effects. While compassionate use programs are a last-ditch effort, and they often don’t provide any results, you should still give them a try.
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Allocate Your Time
Some family members are reluctant to spend time with their terminally ill father or mother because they don’t know how to help them. Furthermore, they don’t have anything smart or positive to say, which is why they don’t even bother.
You must understand that your presence alone is fulfilling. These are precious moments that will quickly pass by, and you’ll be sorry later if you don’t take advantage of that fact. Allocate some time to spend with your sick family member and be by their side in these last moments.
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Don’t Be Afraid of Emotions
While your family member is ill, both you and the patient will feel various emotions. They can range from fear to anxiety, shock, anger, and sadness. Whatever you might feel, it’s important to embrace it and channel it. At the same time, you should be patient with your ill family member when they become aggressive or moody.
Every person processes grief in a different way, but it’s important that we cry if and when we feel like it. Taking care of a terminally ill family member will leave some scars, so it’s vital that we process them in a manner so they don’t leave a permanent trauma.
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Prepare Meals
One of the small yet big things is preparing meals for loved ones. While you might think this isn’t anything special and that a take-out will do the trick, meals help patients feel comfy and loved. If you’re a good cook, on top of that, the person will enjoy every bite.
By preparing meals, you’re also taking some of the workload off from your family members. However, don’t stop at meals. You should also help around the house with cleaning and other chores. Don’t be lazy, and try to make things as comfortable as possible for your mother, father, brother, or sister.
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Don’t Negate Someone’s Experience
Nothing can prepare us for these situations. As a result, we might say or do various foolish things. For example, saying something along the lines of “At least we’ll have enough time together” isn’t always productive. In fact, being excessively optimistic often leads to an adverse effect.
Certain statements will make it feel as if you’re negating the patient’s emotions and experience. Some patients will even be angry at you if you minimize their suffering and look for the silver lining. You have to keep in mind that people are very erratic during this period, and almost anything can trigger them.
Because of that, we suggest you think twice before making any controversial statement. Look at things from another person’s perspective and try to be balanced.
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Include Them in Everything
Just because a person is terminally ill doesn’t mean they’re already dead. Patients who still have enough strength in them might want to travel with you and experience new things. Furthermore, you should organize as many family gatherings as possible in different settings (if the patient agrees with it).
Terminally ill patients are very afraid of what awaits them. So, there’s usually a strong sensation of isolation and impending doom. To make matters worse, many people back up during this time as they don’t know how to act. Organize get-togethers with family and friends so that the person understands he or she isn’t alone.
Communicate with the person as to what she’d like or wouldn’t like to do. Suggest some of the patient’s favorite activities as they might help them forget about their pains for a moment.
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Start Tough Topics
When your family member gets terminally sick, you’ll have limited time to talk about serious topics. Nevertheless, you should take this time to discuss everything you ever wanted to know and learn as much as possible about your dying family member.
At this time, no topic should be off the table. You can talk about their youth, school days, meeting their partner, and various funny situations. While reminiscence might be tough for the patient, it might also boost their spirit.
During this time, you should also talk about their vision for the future. What do they expect from you, and what do they envision for the family? These last days are also a good time to take care of legal affairs.
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Think of Yourself
The fact someone’s terminally ill doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll die within a few days. In fact, many patients will linger for several months or even more than a year. Although this period is grueling for the sick person, it can also be very hard for the caregiver.
Many people sacrifice themselves so that their family members can be comfortable during this period. They’ll disregard their needs, all while carrying an enormous emotional burden on their back. Somewhere along the way, they might also develop medical conditions as a result of stress.
It’s vital that you think about yourself during this period. Don’t stop your usual routine. Pay attention to your sleep schedule and eating habits, and keep your body in shape. In the end, your family member wouldn’t have wanted you to get sick alongside them.
Last Thoughts
Helping a terminally ill patient can be exhausting, both physically and mentally. However, it can also be a great time to learn more about your parents, partner, or cousin. Take this time to say your final goodbyes and enjoy a few last quality movements with your loved one.
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