Mugabe was better?

Source: Mugabe was better? – The Standard January 6, 2019

My People,
I cannot imagine the suffering that you are going through.

Letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

The beauty about it though is that it is based on personal decisions you took to remove a tried and tested leader called Gushungo through the ill-advised silly demonstrations co-ordinated by Lacoste war veterans.

A cursory glance at the prices of just about anything in just over a year will confirm that prices have shot up several times over.

The euphoria has certainly disappeared after you realised that you blundered big time.

Could that be the reason why very few people want to hear the song Kutonga Kwaro anymore? Asante sana.

Turning tables

It is always wise for those in positions of authority to be careful how they use or wield their power.

There was Mthuli “Tax-Us” Ncube behaving like a cowboy and taxing transactions through the 2% levy.

He went a step further and decreed that duty for car imports would be charged in US dollars.

Amid the din of protests, he threw another stinker by introducing punitive fines for traffic offences, which will be paid in US dollars.

Protests from Zimbabweans that the currency was not readily available for use to pay for car imports and the traffic fines were ignored.

“If you have the currency to import, then you must have the currency for paying the duty,” the government retorted.

The debate over traffic fines is about to boil over.

It appears to have been stalled by some enterprising cops, according to reports, who are willing to receive “substantially reduced fines” from the motoring community “in any acceptable currency, including bond papers”.

Fast-forward to December and medical doctors, having copied from government, respond in kind by asking for their salaries in US dollars.

Acting President Dr Chandaizment in typical fashion throws his toys out of the pram and throws a super tantrum using threatening language not fit for one perceived to have an eye on the throne in future. He says government can’t pay in US because it does not print US dollars.

A leading beer and soft drink manufacturer also laid out plans to sell their products in US dollars and the response was to summon them for a meeting, resulting in those plans being scuppered.

Meanwhile, teachers, nurses and the rest of the civil service have indicated that they now also want their salaries in US dollars.

I believe everybody now wants their salaries in US dollars.

Prioritising beer over health

It is very clear that all is not well between Lacoste and General Bleach.

While officiating at a Zanu PF religious gathering in Bulawayo, the Generari revealed that our Listening President, ED, was partially deaf.

With the Generari reportedly failing to make a breakthrough on the doctors’ strike, ED decided to cut short his leave to come and help his deputy.

A masterstroke in politics by ED as the interpretation by many was that Generari had simply failed to handle the situation as he did with striking nurses last year.

Meanwhile, as the final slap of humiliation, while ED’s wife was trying to broker a solution to the issue of doctors, the Generari was seized with the equally more important issue of ensuring that Zimbabweans continue accessing their beer in local currency.

Others believe the return of ED was to prevent the Generari from receiving the credentials of new British ambassador, Melanie Robinson, which he ended up doing in order to prevent any disasters from happening.

Something like: Herrow and wericome to Zimbabwe, Comrade Madam Meranie. How is Mr Queen Erizabeth?

The Return of Dr Amai: Enter Oxiria

I have always repeated the wise saying which is something to the effect that the more things appear to change, the more they continue to remain the same. Or something like that anyway.

When I, Dr Grace Ntombizodwa was distributing government inputs there were howls of protests on why I was doing that given that I was not a government official and that the Constitution of Zimbabwe does not even mention a first lady.

A year down the line, Oxiria Ngwena has been going around the country trying to portray herself like the modern version of Mother Theresa.

Her latest stunt was to try to play the role of peace broker between doctors and the government.

Really, Oxiria? In what capacity? Are any of the things that you “agree” with the doctors binding?

What next from you? A series of rallies maybe and they could be could be called: Interface with Mhamha!

There have been resolutions made about first ladies not interfering with government business at party meetings and hopefully somebody will remember them.

Belated Unity Day celebrations

Who can blame the doctors and other workers for demanding payment in US dollars?

As part of their Unity Day commemorations at the end of 2018, Movement for Democratic Change Alliance and Zanu PF MPs displayed rare unity among themselves.

Unity in blackmailing Parliament to grant their demand for vehicle loans.

Meanwhile, among other demands for our representatives are three-course meals and ice-cream.

By next year as greed continues to grip them, Zimbabweans will begin to understand what kind of people politicians are.

From the Acting President’s desk

We liked this version of a likely statement from Generari Kupisa on the ongoing impasse with doctors:

“Ferrow Zimbabweans, I would like to teri you that we are not increasing sararies for civil servants untiru further notice. Oroso, we are not going to pay doctors in US dorras. Ret me be very crear that we don’t print US dorras, but we print Zim dorras.

So priz, risten carefuri, if you want demonstrations, prease forrow the rabour act so that jobs are not rost.”

Ntombizodwa woyee!

Gushungo woyee!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com