Stop it Chiwenga! 

Source: Stop it Chiwenga! – The Standard April 22, 2018

My People I am sure you have all seen just how the fallen family has been corrupt over the years. Gushungo has over the years tried to retain the Mr Clean image while allowing corruption to take place around him.


The stinking corruption around a deal to destroy the national airline, Air Zimbabwe, in order to replace it with a family-owned airline borders on treason.

You will have heard about the poisoning of elephants with cyanide so that we could export their horns.

Others have hinted that it was from my little ivory enterprise that Jonso got the idea to murder a few elephants in order to build a stadium.

Gushungo practiced nepotism in the truest sense of the word by awarding a cabinet post to his nephew Patrick Zhuwawo and other relatives such as the Chidhakwas and the Gumbochumas.

This included putting relatives to head strategic national institutions.

Corruption also extended to farms where more than 20 farms have been linked to just one family.

Then there was the looting of the Zimdef funds in which the department paid exorbitant fees for students attending Doctor Amai’s private school when the facility was only meant to benefit students at government and mission schools.

We will not mention the issue of government workers who were being used to provide labour and professional expertise at all the family’s farms.

Or the bit about some government departments being made to consume poor quality milk and ice-cream from a dairy firm owned by the family.

State enterprises were buying milk and other agricultural products from the family’s farms at the cost of top-quality grades although in some instances, the quality would be extremely poor.

Let’s not forget the comedy when The Bobster and his family awarded themselves the top farming awards at one agricultural show.

This meant as guest of honour, Bob handed over the award to himself.

For today, we can stop here as we await the outcome of the investigations into the illegal smuggling of ivory and rhino horns out of the country.

I know the idea by Lizard Ngwena and his coup conspirators is to unleash international sentiment against me.

If the whole world could come to a standstill because of one lion called Cecil, what about the massacre of hundreds of elephants? Munopenga!

Ngwena and his coup plotters know the outcome of inquiries going on about the diamonds and the idea is to use that to silence Gushungo and his colleagues in what is perceived as an ethnic supremacist political party called NPF.

I did not say it, it was Didymus Mutasa who was quoted as describing Bob’s party as a Zezuru tribal entity.

Of course, he denies the charge.

Looking West again

So, the new dispensation has decided that Gushungo’s Look East Policy of hoping to get economic emancipation from Asian countries such as Vietnam, Myanmar, Afghanistan, Bangladesh and Cambodia was a heap of nonsense?

People are rushing back to former colonisers begging to be readmitted into the Commonwealth.

Have they forgotten the now world famous statement which I wrote for Gushungo: “Mr Blair, keep your England and I will keep my Zimbabwe.”

I am told they will be embarrassing themselves and fellow Zimbabweans by talking to white people from Europe and the United States of America.

First Lady’s office?

Many will remember how, out of over-excitement, Lizard Ngwena appointed most of his friends to the cabinet after benefiting from a coup.

Somebody helpfully whispered into his ear that he was violating the constitution as there was a limit to how many unelected people he could appoint.

Some appointments were subsequently reversed resulting in the creation of offices for advisors.

In the same spirit of confusion, we have noticed something as unconstitutional as the creation of the first lady’s office.

We hear there is also a Second Lady’s Office. Really Ngwena?

Doctor Shenanigans causing anzhayeti

The recently retired army general, Chiwenga must be causing Lizard Ngwena sleepless nights.

We can overlook the blunder of firing all senior “porice” officers before they were reinstated.

We could even overlook the wholesale transfer of senior intelligence officers.

We can also nod indulgently at the perception that we have noticed a lot of promotions among the “miritary”

We can good-naturedly overlook his failure to “pronzoune” some “Engrish” words.

But it is insensitive for people who receive their medical treatment outside the country to fire all striking nurses in order to recall people who have long retired.
In the same spirit, should we recall Gushungo?

But the good thing is the retired general is doing this on the eve of an election.

Fifteen thousand nurses affected have wives, husbands, partners, siblings, friends, relatives and many people who may have been offended by the decision to fire the health practitioners.
The number of affected people, including patients, could easily reach a million.

Why would a whole vice-president fire nurses when he is not their employer?

Could the health services board, minister of health or even the permanent secretary not do that?

That was not a “revorutionary” thing for our “repubrik” to do.

Someone hinted that this is what he was thinking to himself before firing the nurses: “We will simpri reriev you of your duties and represi you with quarified unemproyed nurses desperateri rooking for emproymendi. We wondi stand by and watch nurses embark on a reberrion.”

Munhuwese kuna Amai!

Ivory deals woyee!

Gushungo woyee!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)