via Obert’s business genius – The Zimbabwean 25 February 2015
The stage shakes as a heavy laden Obert Mpofu enters stage right, announcing that he has sourced – from heavens knows where – copious amounts of diesel to keep buses running to the venue of Mugabe’s party.
A train, dubbed ‘the birthday train’, has also been arranged, by the transport minister who promised two years ago to get the National Railways of Zimbabwe back on its feet.
The ‘birthday train’ will transport partygoers from Bulawayo to Victoria Falls. The NRZ does not have even one brown cent with which to pay for new signal machines, but this is Bob’s birthday and the state-owned railway company suddenly has the resources to carry 1,600 rented friends to the party.
Obert Mpofu, using unexplained funds, bought himself a bank. The bank soon ran aground. What a business genius. Obert did not have the resources to keep his bank afloat. As a result, over 250 Allied Bank employees are now jobless. But from somewhere in the recesses of his deep pockets, Mpofu found $70,000 that he donated to the December congress. For the President’s birthday, Obert again plunged a corpulent hand in his pocket and produced another $10,000.
From somewhere backstage, up speaks a Young Turk, Kudzai Chipanga, Zanu (PF) Youth League deputy secretary planting noisy kisses on a stage prop that appears to be Mugabe’s shoe. Young Chipanga stops kissing the presidential shoe and adds his voice to the noise, saying the birthday celebrations were unique because they come at a time when Mugabe was ‘crowned’ Sadc and AU chair. Bhora pasi. Sit down young man. The AU and Sadc leadership rotate. There is no crown.