Is Lizard Ngwena really in charge? 

Source: Is Lizard Ngwena really in charge? – The Standard April 15, 2018

My people, Let me start by saying I am aware that most of you are missing me in a bad way.


A lot of you are finding life very difficult to cope with following that rather disgraceful intervention by people who should have remained in the barracks and not dabbling in sophisticated things like politics.

For most of you, not seeing me on Dead BC or reading about me in The Horrid newspaper has been a very traumatic experience.

But don’t worry, when the National Patriotic Front wins elections later this year, I will be back not as the first lady, but as your president as originally planned by Bob and myself in one of our bedrooms at the Blue Roof.

Of course, Gushaz would be coming back as the First Gentleman.

Maybe someone overheard us during the planning stage and told that pesky Jabulani Sibanda, resulting in all sorts of statements such as “bedroom coup” and “power being sexually transmitted”.

What is very clear is that imbabweans are still battling to find a way of dealing with my absence from their daily lives.

Some of you are already pleading with me to hold another round of meet-the-people tours or interface rallies.

I can assure you, these rallies would be oversubscribed.

Together with all those young politicians, we could plan for another Super Sunday rally at Rufaro Stadium with Makhosini leading in planning for that one.

If all fails, we could just invite several thousands of people to the Blue Roof for an interface with Dr Amai.

Unfortunately, there will be no George Charamba or Kazembe Kazembe to publicly browbeat.

Advisor for Thokozani Khupe

As a mother, I would certainly sympathise with Dr Thokozani Khupe for the treatment that she has received at the hands of her colleagues in the political party.
The party failed to handle or manage a divisive issue, which they could rue, come elections in July.

Among some quarters, many have indicated that the clumsy manner in which the Khupe issue was handled has hardened their positions.

There are many who feel the party is anti-women and anti-people of Matabeleland.

Others in the party feel instead Khupe should have been grateful with her position of co-deputy president and “not play into the hands of Zanu PF” whatever that means.
However, the good sister needs some advisors who will tell her that striking first is very key in the game of politics.

So far, she has been reacting to developments instead of being the catalyst.

An alliance for men

A lot of you have been writing to me raising concerns about the MDC Alliance.

The concerns have more to do with the gender composition of the leadership.

The embarrassing deficit of women’s voices has been so visible to the point that in Bulawayo, according to one of my informers, organisers had to scramble around to find a woman to be master of ceremonies in order to add some female dimension.

Others raised curious coincidences. Look at the fight between Chamisa and Khupe and her subsequent expulsion from the National Assembly.

Also, observe the spat between Welshman Ncube and Priscilla Misihairabwi-Mushonga and the subsequent debate around her recall from Parliament.

These lawyers are not joking. They mean business.

Asiagate boys

There is a certain newspaper whose senior sports journalists were involved in that rather sad part of our football called Asiagate.
We all know how, like mercenaries, they were boarding planes at midnight to go and undermine the interests of Zimbabwe by encouraging its footballers to lose matches in foreign lands.

The simple term for that, I think, is called treason.

But a leopard does not change its spots, so it is said.

Our curiosity has been raised by the apparent public relations exercise being conducted by the same publication in defence of a certain individual involved with football.

In case they are not aware, the stories are so embarrassing that students of journalism are using them as case studies of poor and unethical journalism.

Maybe it would help if sports editors do not get wedding gifts or any form of gifts from people that they write about as they will always not see evil.

Who is calling the shots

There was a debate in political circles last week.

The subject was to what extent Lizard Ngwena was able to call his deputy, Dr Shenanigans, to order.

Comrade Restore Regasi virtually saved Lizard’s bacon after he had fled from a 93-year-old man into South Africa.

So when Mrs Regasi, complete with her tattoos, invades state-owned land, is there anything Ngwena can do?

Who is the boss? Is it another Putin and Medvedev?

Munhuwese kuna Gire!

Gushungo woyeee!

Dr Amai Stop it! (Fake PhD)