‘Officially opening a WhatsApp account’ 

Source: ‘Officially opening a WhatsApp account’ – The Standard July 8, 2018

My People, I must say, I was totally surprised to read in The Horrid newspaper an official announcement that the new Head of State and Government and Commander in Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces and Chancellor of all state universities had opened a WhatsApp account!



What else do we need to know? That his chickens are laying healthy eggs at the farm?

Meanwhile, other presidents are commissioning factories that employ citizens while we are opening a WhatsApp account.

We now understand who inspires people like Patrick Chinamasa when they officially open a bin. (By the way, the people of Rusape are sending messages that the bin is full and now needs an official emptying ceremony.)

It was also telling that nobody advised the new “owner” of the country that when you pull such public stunts, it may help your cause to choose a state-owned company.

Choosing a privately-owned company may give the impression that the state-owned company is unable and incompetent.

Meanwhile, I can’t wait to see the crowing adverts from the privately-owned company.

Even the President does not trust our competition . . . !

Our President really needs not just one advisor but several, including some for his wife.

Comrade Christopher Mutsvangwa clearly can’t handle it alone.

There was an intriguing story which was carried by a Sunday newspaper about Axiria raising chickens in the backyard at State House.

The chickens were expected to empower people from the Matebeleland provinces, she said rather enthusiastically.

If she had an advisor, she would have been told that that kind of story was not good for the media.

If you want to empower people from Matebeleland or any other region, you don’t do so by raising chickens in your backyard.

Using your power and authority, find appropriate land on which such programmes are done, preferably in the provinces of the beneficiaries.

Attacks on Zapu

We have noted how a certain Sunday newspaper which shall remain nameless for now has suddenly been reminded that other than Zanla, there was a very efficient liberation movement called Zipra.

For years, the newspaper, maybe because of the writers’ youthfulness or instructions from above had been painting Zapu and Zipra as a useless fighting army and its leaders, including the late vice-president Josh as incompetent while on the other hand glorifying Zanla and Zanu and Robert Mugabe.

However, after denigrating Zipra and Zapu leaders in one of its columns, a protest from some senior guerillas from Zipra has seen the newspaper dedicating some space to the heroics of Zipra forces.

As someone remarked recently in a debate, the two forces complemented each other effectively in order to bring independence.

Depending on which sides they supported during that debate, the Zipra forces were even more visible and ruthlessly efficient during operation restore regasi to remove former president Robert Mugabe who had clung on to power like a leach.

Banks for party chefs

I have been seeing a lot of activity on the financial front. Activities such as the opening of banks for women and youths and so forth.

Maybe we will get banks for chiefs, war veterans and other loyal and patriotic sections of the community.

Another bank for coffin makers and makorokoza may also be in the offing.

The question that many people are asking is if ordinary Zimbabweans can benefit or you need to produce a party card before you can be given a loan.

But a lot of questions have been raised on how a whole bank can operate with a miserable amount of about $12 million while the party dedicates $200 million for regalia and outdoor advertising.

It was good to see Ngwena withdrawing some crisp dollars from the bank for young people.
So is he already accessing the money?

When Gushungo was in power, we could all get money from the banks.

We could even get US dollars but now it is a nightmare to get money from the banks.

We now have to buy our own worthless bond currency from the black market in order to do small transactions.

It now looks like Garwe and his colleagues have simply failed to deal with the cash crisis in the country.
If given a fresh mandate, how will they deal with the cash crisis? By opening more banks?

Young boycott

So is the MDC Alliance going to boycott the elections or not?

When they say the elections will not happen without them they are being brave. They need to remember that there are other parties ready to go into an election, no matter how skewed the environment.

Meanwhile, let us wait for the promised earthquake. For that earthquake may determine our future.

Scary World Cup
We all hope that developments at the World Cup finals in Russia where giants such as former winners Germany, Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay have all been kicked out will not influence our elections.

Even worse is that young people seem to be supporting emerging powerhouses such as Belgium and Croatia.

At this rate, we may end up having our people being influenced to vote for a younger politician or an underdog in the coming elections.

Ntombizodwa woyeee!

Gire woyeee!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com