And still the jokes keep coming

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    President Mugabe?
    Yes St Peter
    Welcome aboard
    Lets see if we can find your wife shall we?
    Oh hell, show the staircase I will walk down to the other place
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    Why is Mugabe’s wife like a typewriter?
    Because, she thought she had all the keys in her possession, then found out the ‘backspace’ was missing
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    What has been missing in Mugabe’s martial life for some time now?
    Death
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    It took 37 years to find out that his wife was really a secret agent of the Breetish.
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    Finally in my speech I refer to a leader who gave the population, security, honesty and freedom, If know this person please ring me on 00 236 ….
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    I know I resigned, but I’m back! – rejoice
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    I said I was president until God called me… He just has, but I didn’t understand the point he made.
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    I would like to speak to you all on this day, to ask for donations towards my leaving present.. Any big contribution will suffice.
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    Grace used to pick anything she saw on the floor, like pins. She has just picked one up and it want bang!
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    They are preparing a pair of very slim expensive concrete shoes for Grace.
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    We are together until, political intrigue, dishonesty, backbiting and a lynch mob, tear us apart.
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    So you need a job?…. qualifying facts please. Scallywag, Liar, Big mouth, Verbal diarrhea merchant, ex president of bankrupt county, dishonest, big head, nasty man hated by the world; do I need to go on. No thank you. We have just the job as lighthouse keeper
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    He is just like Jesus, he has risen from the political death.
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    Why is Mugabe like a headache? – It keeps coming back
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    You can get rid of VD but you cannot get rid of Mugabe
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    When the day come and he does ‘go’, the tearful relatives will be stood around the coffin watching the lid being screwed down firmly, then a flash of lightening from Stage left and Abracadabra the bugger reappears!
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    It is true he cannot actually ‘go,’ because neither place wants him, for if a mistake had been made he would not leave.
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    He is the only head of state to rule while politically dead. Why not?, not been tried before
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    It’s 72% Certain he will meet his end today – unless of course there is re-run. You will know in 5 weeks time when the masseur has been.
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    Mugabe thinks the jokes about him are sick – now he knows what the rest off the population feel like all the time.
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    He is planning a grand farewell party, you are all invited to bring along some money
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    Grace has not been seen in public because she is busy at the ATM
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    Grace has been faithful, true and honest all her life, she also had her fingers crossed while saying this.
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    During his speech Mugabe paid the Teleprompt operator off handsomely, but the chap has still not got the money.
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    Mugabe read the wrong speech again! He only found out when he woke up
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