The nation woke up to unusual news this week. It was declared that the government is suddenly against corruption.
“Second Republic is serious about corruption,” said the Herald, the world’s leading example of journalistic integrity.
According to the paper, evidence of this seriousness is some “investigation” into “criminal gangs” that are forging farm offer letters.
Do they not know that the government of President Emmerson Mnangagwa hates corruption, the Herald asked itself?
Said the paper: “But what is more difficult to understand is why people assume this system could operate within the Second Republic, where it has been made plain by President Mnangagwa downwards that corruption will not be tolerated and corrupt officials are arrested and fired.”
Foreign-funded detractors like Muckraker would point out that it is only “hard to understand” if corruption was actually illegal in the country, and if there were actually some chefs in jail for stealing public money. But that would be unpatriotic.
Meanwhile, as a sign of how the “Second Republic is serious about corruption”, a warrant of arrest was issued this week for Ignatius Chombo, who may or may not be one of the country’s most corrupt people.
So, why is Chombo — accused of allegedly bending public tender rules, grabbing stands for himself and his buddies all over the country — in court? Clearly, it must be because, finally, four years after his arrest for corruption, they are finally ready to convict him?
Well, there is big news. Chombo is not in court for petty indiscretions, like pilfering government money. When has that ever been a crime anyway? Chombo, in fact, faces a more serious, grave crime: “wearing Zanu PF regalia without permission”.
Just the sort of seriousness Herald told us has been discovered in the Second Republic.
Meanwhile, over at ZanuPF headquarters, there are plenty of idle old men. And where such groups gather, we know there will be a lot of foul hot air. Take, for instance, the party’s designated rabble-rouser, Patrick Chinamasa.
This week, Chinamasa, perhaps after watching a few Chinese documentaries on ZBC, declared: “If there is one thing to emulate from Chinese culture, it is the ethic of hard work. Growing an economy requires collective hard work.”
Looking at the swollen bellies that abound at Zanu PF events, it is hard to see if anyone does any real work.
However, we cannot wait to see Zimbabwe emulating China on all fronts. One such area should be in how the Chinese deal with corrupt public officials. We wait to hear from Chinamasa, at his earliest convenience, when corrupt officials will start having their heads chopped off.
We are sure that’s one area Chinamasa and his cronies are not ready to “emulate” from our all-weather friends.
There are more things that Zanu PF will not want to emulate from the Chinese.
When China emerged from the Cultural Revolution in the late 1970s, almost 90% of Chinese people were very poor. According to the World Bank, China’s poverty rate had fallen to 0,7% by 2015. Today, China has declared total victory over extreme poverty.
Meanwhile, back at the liberated farm called Zimbabwe, according to the same World Bank, the number of the “extreme poor” rose to 7,9 million in 2020, or 49% of the population. Zimbabweans were on average richer than the Chinese in 1980.
So, one wonders what it is exactly ZanuPF has emulated from China.
Our liberators are frequent visitors to China. But, of course, they don’t waste their precious time with useless things, like learning how to end poverty. There are more important things to do, like being attended to at functional hospitals, while their concubines roam the gleaming shopping malls of Beijing for Instagram.
We note the gratitude of the people of Namibia, after Zimbabwe donated thousands of coronavirus vaccines and other materials to our struggling neighbours.
Namibian International Relations minister Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah was profuse in thanking Zimbabwe for the kind donation, as the 20 000 vaccines and PPE arrived in Windhoek.
Of course, Muckraker is not one of those who are needlessly angry about Zimbabwe donating some of its vaccines, even in this time of short supply. Even in the village, people share what little they have in times of crisis.
All Muckraker would like to know from the people of the Namibia is if they are also willing to accept donations of leaders.
This week, an online seminar was to be held on “Unpacking Media Capture in Zimbabwe”. This is, of course, a pertinent topic of discussion. We are in a time when the corrupt tentacles of the “New Dispensation” are everywhere, trying to gaslight the nation into believing that we are all in a booming economy.
Among the panellists slated for the webinar was Jonathan Moyo, former Minister of Information, now permanent resident of an East African basement.
Some only know the new Jonathan on Twitter. But those who remember the real Jonathan, the Jonathan who threatened to silence papers “once and for all” days before their printing presses were bombed, the Rambai Makashinga jingle Jonathan, the Jonathan who banned foreign journalists and fired state media editors for reporting facts, will congratulate the organisers of the webinar for landing just the right expert to discuss media capture.