ROBERT Mugabe has agreed to share the Zimbabwean presidency with Nick Clegg.
Newly re-elected Mugabe hopes that Clegg’s puppyish appeal will lend his regime a veneer of liberalism, while the UK’s former ‘deputy’ prime minister is keen to try out polygamy.
International affairs analyst Tom Booker said: “Dodgy election, result nobody wanted, country headed for disaster, we’ve seen this before.
“Get Clegg in to give naively hopeful smiles in a garden, like a virgin bride, and everyone thinks it will work out fine.”
Nick Clegg, now Zimbabwe’s Deputy Chief Executioner, said: “We have already used our influence to insist on a referendum on proportional representation.
“Reform of the first-past-the-post electoral system is clearly the number one issue facing the people of Zimbabwe right now.”
Liberal Democrat president Tim Farron MP said: “Mugabe was lucky to get him as a coalition partner, actually.
“We had a very tempting rival bid from Iran.”