No cake for you Mr President

via No cake for you Mr President – The Zimbabwean 18 February 2015 by Jera

This weekend all roads lead to the resort town of Victoria Falls, the venue for Robert Mugabe’s birthday party. At this time of the year, there is never a shortage of sycophants. Mugabe’s lackeys have been running around since January, gathering donations for what is expected to be the party of the year. The ZBC has been singing eulogies for weeks – way before the actual birthday.

In 2014, Mugabe’s birthday celebration cost an estimated $1 million. Bearing in mind that guests will require accommodation and transport – all courtesy of the state – we expect the costs to surpass last year’s. Children born on Mugabe’s birthday – 110 of them – have been flown from all 10 provinces to Vic Falls. The 21st of February is indeed a time where we show those silly Westerners that despite their illegal sanctions, our economy remains robust, so much that we can afford to have rows and rows of fatted cows sizzling away on a rotisserie, buxom maidens feeding us grapes and litres of alcohol spilling all over the Persian rugs. ‘Ko kutyei?’ as the millions of unemployed youths say – why fear when you have 14 million Zimbabweans under the heel of your boot.

Each time I hear the ZBC jingles – ‘happy birthday baba’ – I am seized by the urge to round up all the famished street kids of the major cities and bus (apparently that is a word, according to the ZBC) them to Vic Falls, where they will walk up to the high table, bearing empty bowls and, in a very Dickensian manner, ask for soup. I reckon the dear leader would fall off his chair – hang on, that’s ‘break his fall.’ One must be sure to get one’s verbs correct. ‘Fall’ is for mere mortals. ‘Break his fall’ is more presidential.